you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
