Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
