Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
