what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
