you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
