I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
