They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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