This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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