Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
