tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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