How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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