I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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