If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
