forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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