I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
