Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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