It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
