had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
