No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
