I can text with my tongue
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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