Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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