Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
