life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
