My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
