CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
