Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fill condoms, not promises.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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