I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
