dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
