Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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