bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
