i barfeds in our rink
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
