My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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