i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
