Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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