Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
