I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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