help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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