at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
