this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
