too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
