Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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