They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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