They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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