i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
