mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
