My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
