I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like abortions should bother me more
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
