She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
