It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
