just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the day after is always just damage control
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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