did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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