I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
